I don’t care anymore. I am useless and worthless and I don’t matter. I don’t. Not in the grand scheme of things. I don’t care. I don’t care anymore. I am sad and tired and everything is pointless. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to change my mind. I want to sleep. I want to sleep forever.
Anonymous asked: Hi. I know this may be a personal question. You said that you cut yourself and the you feel lonely at times. Just curious, when did you start cutting? Also, what makes you feel lonely?
Being in a family that’s nothing like me makes me feel lonely. Watching other people look like they’re having fun without me makes me feel lonely. Wanting to hurt/kill myself and knowing that I’m the only one who knows how I feel makes me lonely.
I sort of cut in seventh grade. A few digs with scissors. Then I left it alone for a year. And then I started burning with erasers. And in August I finally managed to pry a blade out of a disposable razor. And that’s when things got really bad.
Who says that
poison has to be
detected?
Because instinct
works just fine.
And it seems what
looked so good in the dark
is at odd with the light.
We’re stuck in mistakes,
stuck in the night.
A trail of broken hearts
leads to your smiling face.
And I always wonder,
why is it you can’t stay?
You’re dangerous; I’ve
seen you too many times
find someone who believes
and feed them your lies.
And it’s helpless feeling
that might put me in the grave.
Especially if it’s my
heart I hope to save.
I know that look in your eyes,
you’re having fun with they prey.
I love you so much but I
wouldn’t like that gaze.
You’re going to make a mess of yourself.
But it doesn’t matter to them. They don’t want you. You’re not appreciated. Your words mean nothing. Your actions mean nothing. You mean nothing. Just stop.
I don’t care anymore. I’m going to cut. I’m going to kill myself. None of it matters. Goodbye butterflies. Goodbye me.
People are noticing. I get lots of compliments. I look nice. I look thinner. I look good. Why should I eat? Eating has never done anything great for me. I seem to be doing fine right now. Eating is weighing yourself down. I’ll just eat enough to survive well.
My thoughts are going
to kill me.
And it will be
all too easy.
Tell me that you love me,
tell me there’s an end.
All I want is
those words on your lips.
or just your lips being that close to mine
And I want someone. I want someone so close. I want someone to hold me. To tell me it’s real, to tell me it’s okay. I want someone who’s not afraid to come close. I want someone who’s not afraid to touch. Someone who will come closer to me then anyone ever has. I want it to last. I want it to be genuine. I want someone who loves me.
You can’t escape
the purest red you’ve seen.
You can’t find a way to
disprove it’s beauty.
You can’t tell me
the sound of skin
crinkling like paper
isn’t a symphony.
You can’t help but admit
that the lines wrap around
like poison seeking
a new way out.
You know that
this is a tragic kind of wonderment
and you are now
a part of it.
